He’s baaaaack! That’s right: The man, the legend, the bad hair extraordinaire… Donald Trump (codename: Toupee) is back with the seventh installment of Celebrity Apprentice and he promises that this season will be bigger and better than ever before!
78 celebrities have sought the title of Celebrity Apprentice, but only six have ever earned it! Who will be the seventh? Strap in for what’s bound to be one hell of a season!
We begin the season with Geraldo and his ginormous and rather fugly mustache puffing his chest and bragging about how he’s been shot at, knives drawn on him, blah blah blah. He acts as though he’s been in war zones. GET A GRIP. Don’t go there. You’re a journalist and talk show host. You weren’t on the front lines. SHUT UP!
The sixteen celebs gather for the first time at Rockefeller Plaza, the home of NBC. Gilbert Gottfried shrieks about how they should be cozy in a warm office instead of freezing outside. Toupee announces that the teams have been split into men vs. women and they will chose their team name and project managers later on.
Their first task? Creating and selling their own celebrity pies. The team who makes the most money will earn a buttload of cash for the winning PM’s charity. The Cake Boss himself will choose the team with the pie he likes best and the team will earn a huge bonus.
First up: The women all get together and come up with a team name: Team Infinity. Already Kenya and Brandi are kinda snippy with each other.
Next: The men. They quickly choose to be Team Vortex. Geraldo is trying to steamroll everyone else because he isn’t used to being told no. I can already tell he is not going to be well-liked by anyone. His superiority complex will get the better of him and he will end up getting fired. Mark my words… I’m calling it now.
Keshia Rudy Huxtable Knight-Pulliam becomes the PM for team Infinity and Geraldo Handlebar Mustache Rivera becomes the PM for Team Vortex. Lort, y’all, this man is so full of himself. I’m gonna have to stifle vomit every time he struts in front of the camera.
Scene: Pie Face. The men gather at Pie Face eager to begin their task and raise some dough. Geraldo wants to BS around and everyone else wants to get to work making pies. Kevin is NOT happy with Geraldo’s ego taking over.
The women gather in the kitchen and immediately begin brainstorming ideas for pie flavors. Keshia throws out some hairbrained idea for an enchilada taco pie. Ummmm. Yeah. Oh, and here comes Kate Plus 8 Gosselin already bringing up her 8 kids and how she cooks for them at home.
Back to the men. They are now in the kitchen and are working on their pie varieties. Kevin picks an Icebox pie and Lorenzo picks a low-cal chicken pot pie. They end up burning some of their pies and decided to pick out the ones that are passable and go with those. There’s the kind of attitude that’s gonna win them the bonus. NOT!
Our award-winning PM Geraldo has basically neglected his team while trying to get some of his large donors to come through. Here’s a shocker: He hasn’t really managed to get any of them to firmly commit. Not like we didn’t see this one coming a mile away!
Kenya says the first connection that Keshia should be reaching out to is Bill Cosby because of his “deep pockets.” If this woman had only known when this was filmed a year ago how big of a joke that line would become, she wouldn’t have said that!
It’s now the big day and it’s time to get the pies ready and make some money! Geraldo is being a dismissive ass toward Gilbert and puts him in charge of watching balloons outside. Keshia is trying to micromanage Team Infinity and is running around like a chicken with her head cut off. I smell disaster!
Cake Boss Buddy Valastro shows up and judges the pies. Of course, Vortex’s chicken pot pie is under salted and the crusts are a little burned. Infinity’s enchilada pie was too much, but the pear blueberry pie nails it!
The women are selling lots of pies but struggling to bring in large donations. Meanwhile, Vortex is bringing in huge donations from Geraldo’s cronies over at Faux News.
It’s time to head to the boardroom for the verdict on who won the first challenge as well as who will be the first to be fired from Celebrity Apprentice 7. The men are all confident that they brought in the most money and were the most successful… and some of the women are as well! No big surprise there. The $25,000 Cake Boss bonus goes to Team Infinity for their successful execution of the pear blueberry pie. Team Infinity raised $68,412 bringing the total raised to $93,862. Team Vortex raised $185,322 and are the winners of the challenge, and Geraldo earns $280,000 for his charity. As the losers, one of Team Infinity will be fired!
And the first person to be fired is…….. KESHIA! With her overwhelming need to micromanage and her failure to see the big picture is why she is the first to get the axe.
Are you satisfied with who got fired? What are your thoughts on the cast and how well they performed? Let me know in the comments below! And be sure to follow me on Twitter @vince1187 as I live tweet #CelebApprentice each Monday!
