UGH! Amazing Race! I really hope Dave and Conner are enjoying their new cars. I really do. I’m not being sarcastic at all. Not at all. Not. At. All. Sarcastic. Since Dave and Conner finished first in the last leg, they are first out of the gate this leg. Who cares?! I really don’t wanna talk about Dave and Conner, but they are still in the race, they are still bitter about the U-Turn, even though it seems to not have made much of a difference, and they are hoping that one of the other teams uses their U-Turn on Brenchel. Dave and Conner don’t like Brenchel. Dave and Conner think that Brendon and Rachel aren’t good, nice people like them and therefore do not deserve to win a million dollars. Well, you know what? I don’t think Dave and Conner are good Amazing Race players! All Dave has done during this season is complain, whine and remind us all that he hurt his leg in a previous season. I don’t think THEY deserve to win a million dollars and if they do – ya’ll prepare yourselves for the RANT to end all RANTS. I will be throwing mics down.. Throwing. Them. Down.
Teams must now fly to Seville in Spain. We all know what this means! Everyone is going to hook up at the clue location and the playing field will be leveled again. Once they arrive, they have to find the Alameda and the statues of Hercules and Caesar. Before they leave Dave is doing the bitching about Brenchel U-Turning them; he says it wasn’t smart or appropriate. WTF do you want everyone to do, Dave, just let you win? This is a race, it’s a reality show, and it’s a game. If you can’t play with the big dogs, you should stay out of the backyard, buddy. I think after this season, you need to retire from being on The Amazing Race because you are just too old and feeble to handle the stress, challenges and competition. I bet you’d agree with me on that. Now I’m kind of hoping Dave and Conner DO win so we never have to listen or watch Dave play The Amazing Race ever again. Because I doubt he’d race again if he wins this season so maybe I’m all for this. I’d still rather see Brenchel, the Afganimals or the Cowboys win; all three teams have raced hard and have proven themselves worthy of that check. I’m sorry, Dave and Conner, but you have not done this. You’ve been total hypocrites and I… need to stop complaining. I sound like Dave. No one wants that. Especially me so moving on!
The Cowboys leave next; they are staying out of the Brenchel drama. They are starting this leg in Switzerland so they are going to be neutral. Good for you, Cowboys. I knew I could count on my Oklahoma neighbors to be respectable gentlemen. Props to you both for being awesome players in the game and for the way you’ve conducted yourselves on the race. The Afganimals leave in third place and they are definitely going to use the U-Turn; their top targets are Brenchel and the Cowboys. When Brenchel leaves next, Rachel knows they are in trouble, everyone hates them, but they are used to that, like, so used to it. They expect a U-Turn because everyone thinks of them as a threat – because they are. Say whatever you want about Brenchel, I know there are people who have no interest in the Brenchel Army and don’t like them as people, but they are awesome racers and excellent reality show gamers – Brenchel is smart and determined and they know how to keep things non-personal when they play.
Then the Blondes leave… And even though one of them lived in Spain in college, she doesn’t know how to pronounce Seville. They just don’t understand why anyone would U-Turn Dave and Conner because they the “sweetest guys on the planet”. Yeah, just keep puckering those lips, ladies. Maybe those sweet, nice guys will split the million with you if they win, or give you their cars since they’ll have the money to buy their own. I doubt it. They aren’t that nice and sweet. The Blondes hope that one of the other teams U-Turns Brenchel and Jen thinks it’s too bad they can’t double U-Turn, which Caroline thinks is really intense. Everyone is now working to get their flights in order; there are two and they don’t have a lot of time to make the first. Dave, Conner and the Afganimals get tickets for that flight; Brendon doesn’t think any of the teams will make the first flight, but Rachel is confident that some of them will. Meanwhile, the Cowboys miss their exit to the airport putting them 10-15 minutes behind everyone else, but guess what! It doesn’t matter because the remaining three teams will all be on the same flight.
First to arrive in Spain is obviously the Afganimals and that father/son pair that’s still in the race. When the boys arrive at the location, they learn that they will not be able to get their clues until the morning and lucky them; the other flight group isn’t there yet when the time comes in the morning! Yay! So happy that Dave and Conner could catch a break to put some more time between them and Brenchel. So happy about. Not at all sarcastic when I say that. Not. At. All. Sarcastic. So…
Road Block: Barbers of Seville requires that one person from each team use the proper techniques, and a very sharp blade, to shave a balloon. They have one minute to accomplish this before one of the barbers pops the balloon for them. Jamal and Conner take the reigns for their teams and get to work while Dave and Leo wait, on pins and needles, outside of the shop. And POP! First attempt is a fail. Not fast enough, boys! Meanwhile, the other teams have landed and are on their way to the statues. The Cowboys are in the back of the pack with no place to go, but up; Brenchel still wants to hustle because they saw the Blondes and their cute, sweet Cowboys share high five as they were getting in their taxis. Brendon is pretty sure that means everyone has conspired against them. Aaand, Conner finishes the Road Block first. Jamal can’t believe Conner finished before him, he’s got more hair on his face than Conner has hair on his head!
Teams must next travel to Real Alcazar for their next clue and soon enough, the Afganimals have joined Dave and Conner back on the road again. They joke about U-Turning themselves to attempt U-Turn Success number four. The Blondes are the first to arrive at the first clue station, Brenchel is right behind them, but the Blondes’ taxi guy has internet and Brenchel’s doesn’t. *eyeroll* The Cowboys finally arrive to get their clue while Jen is getting to work on the balloon. Caroline thinks the time factor is stressing her out; the first attempt is a failure. The Cowboys arrive at the barber shop ahead of Brenchel – big surprise! I’m shocked they got there first. So shocked! And why? Because Brenchel’s taxi driver doesn’t know where the shop is and there is no numbers on the clue so he has to get out of the car to ask for directions. They are close, though, so Brenchel joins the Cowboys and their race girlfriends, the Blondes at the barber shop and everyone is having trouble with it. Dave and Conner are first to retrieve the next clue.
Detour: Spanish Steps requires teams to do the flamenco up to professional standards. Run with the Ballz… Omg… The absolute BEST RACE CHALLENGE EVER. They *MUST* have these at Reality Rally next year! Teams must put on these crazy inflatable bull balls and maneuver through the streets to identify a phrase while other people in bull balls bash into them. Dave and Conner choose the balls and so do the Afganimals who arrive at the location next. Back at the Road Block, the teams are neck and neck, balloons are popping left and right, but BRENCHEL finishes and is on their way, then the Blondes finish, but they get lost on the way to the Detour giving the Cowboys a little extra time to finish up, which they do, and get moving again. And Brenchel is just having the worst luck taxis; now there is all kinds of traffic in the road, but they get to the Detour location. When they see the Cowboys walking in the wrong direction, they are feeling pretty good about their position.
Speed Bump: Ham It Up requires that the Blondes deliver six Spanish hams to a café before they can perform the Detour. Boo! Hiss! This is easier than the other Speed Bump they had to complete, but at least both involved carrying something, which I’m surprised the Blondes were able to complete since you know, everyone has had to carry them through this race. And I do mean everyone. Back with the balls, Dave, Conner and the Afganimals are getting the tar beat out of them by the offensive line of other bulls. I’m sure Dave was worried about hurting his leg in this challenge. I’m really surprised he didn’t mention, again, that he hurt his leg in another season. While the Cowboys are wandering around the Detour location looking for the clues, the Blondes easily find the ham café then they meet up after the Cowboys finally find the clue; the Cowboys point them in the right direction – because they are such nice, sweet guys. No sarcasm at all on that one. For real.
So let’s speed things up… I want to be done with this, get the pictures ready, publish and be done with the Amazing Race until the next episode. Dave and Conner finish the Detour first; they have to make their way to the General Archive of the Indies, as they walk away from the challenge area, Dave reflects that this is a young man’s game. STFU, Dave. *eyeroll* We all know that you think you’re a weak, feeble old man and we’re all really sick of the constant reminders that you feel this earns you a little sympathy and help from the other teams. Isn’t this like your third time running the race? Did you forget what you were getting yourself into? Oh, and Dave and Conner can’t U-Turn anyone, but oh they wish they could. They really wish they could. The Afganimals; however, can U-Turn someone and they do not U-Turn Brenchel. The Cowboys are the object of their affection and I’ll just come out and say it – The Cowboys are gone, folks. They have been eliminated from the race and I don’t like it! Damn U-Turn! The next episode of the Amazing Race airs on CBS on Sunday at 8/7c. You can recap this episode with Jon, Eric and TAR alum Marie here. Check out my Survivor and King of the Nerds blogs; Big Brother Canada is almost over so be sure you’re caught up on Dana’s BBCAN2 blogs! (And Zach’s Drag Race blogs…) Thanks for putting up with my negative attitude in this one. And again, totally not personal; it’s all about the game. (And comedy). 🙂
