Utopia Power Rankings: Weeks 4 & 5

Hey, everyone! I’m back with the latest power rankings on those crazy Dystopians Utopians! It’s been a couple weeks since I have done a blog, so there’s going to be a lot of stuff to cover. I’ve been crazy busy with school and stuff, not to mention being harassed by the police. I wish I was kidding when I said that! 😉

Quick recap: Red became the first Utopian to be officially voted out. He wasn’t the first to leave, just the first one to leave without being a quitter. Well, scratch that. He is sort of a quitter. He sacrificed himself when there was a tie between him and Bri for nomination. However, we the viewers voted Bri as the third nominee anyway. LOL! Way to go, Red! Also, the Utopians continue to spend most of their time bickering at one another instead of getting stuff done. No change there.

There is a lot to cover since I have slacked off the past couple weeks, so I’m gonna get right into it.

AARON: He bores me. I don’t like him. He’s a tool. He thinks he’s some great chef and he’s not. He really contributes nothing to the group and that wedding cake was an absolute horrid travesty and a nightmare. I’m pretty sure whoever ate that cake had a good case of the runs afterwards. (-10 points)

Total: -10 points

AMANDA: Amanda has a lot of opinions on things. She also proved to me that she isn’t afraid to give some the honest truth. When Bri was talking alone with her and asked her whom she was considering voting out, Amanda straight up told her she was gonna vote her out because she was lazy and needed to step up. (+10 points) She also argues with Kristen that her business/money-making plan for the group wasn’t realistic because she’s never had to care for other people. Ha! (+5 points)

Total: 15 points

BELLA: Bella’s been relieved of her duties as queen of the garden and has been replaced by Hex. Bella finds it difficult to let go of her responsibilities in the garden. She and Rob get into a confrontation over her refusal to give it up. She throws it up in his face that had he helped with some of the watering, they might not be in this situation. She kinda has a point! Plus, I like the fact that she doesn’t just want to give up and die like some of the others. (+10 points) I’ll be the first to admit that Bella is crazy, and her methods of gardening are… well, weird. But she’s willing to work. A hell of a lot more than I can say for most of them. And I do believe that some of the others are treating her like total crap. At the nomination ceremony (Is that what we are calling this? I have no idea.) Bella gives a little speech about how they all need to be more respectful and positive and they will accomplish more. Yeah, she’s right. They’ve been way too damn petty and argumentative. She then proceeds to cast her vote for Bri because she is so stinking lazy. (+10 points)

After the nomination ceremony (or whatever), Bella goes outside crying and talking to herself. Cuckoo!! Cuckoo!! (-10 points) Right before the Utopians voted to kick someone out, the nominees had to give a small speech to plead their case. Bella tells her story about how she has lived alone with her cats for the past 10 years and how she is learning how to be friends with everyone and wants to stay and help them. *tear* Sympathy points. (+5 points)

Total: 15 points

BRI: Nothing has changed yet. Bri is still the same lazy, spoiled princess she was before. While she was busy sleeping in, Red (and Kristen) were out milking the cows, something that was her responsibility. (-10 points) Utopia gets a visit from actual, legitimate veterinarians and they call Bri out for rationing the food to the cows and basically starving them. Bri, instead of accepting blame, argues that they are going through a 70-pound bag of food every two days. The vets quickly shut her up and say she needs to use another 70-pound bag of food for the cows. Bri officially gets relieved of her barn manager duties because she sucks and is lazy. (-10 points) Later on, Bri writes a “heartfelt” letter to her boytoy Chris. The end result of this encounter is that they are “broken up.” Good. They sicken me.

After the nominations are over, Bri starts going around having these one-on-one talks with different people about why she is so disliked among the group. I think she was going around seeking sympathy or validation and she didn’t get it. They told her she was lazy and needed to contribute more. Which is true. She tries to turn it around on Ernesto when he said he voted for her because she doesn’t contribute. Instead of taking the constructive criticism she has to be a little girl about it and argue. She says she’s disappointed in him for making it about money instead of happiness or some crap like that. What the what? Shut up Bri. (-5 points)

Total: -25 points

CAL: Cal is the newest Utopian, who was voted to stay permanently as Red’s replacement. This guy is weird. He seems socially awkward, standoffish and seems eccentric. But he brings some valuable skills to the Utopia, such as making a better garden, instead of that crop circle travesty that Bella started. He also seems to want to be peaceful with one another and get stuff done, instead of fighting all the time (which Red and Rob seem so fond of all the time). (+5 points) When Rob starts flipping out about the dirty dishes, Creepy Cal starts singing a song and really kind of creeped me out quite a bit. What an oddball.

Total: 5 points

CHRIS: Chris seems to really have it out for Bella. He casts his vote for her because she is unwilling to compromise with others. Well, that may be sort of true. However, Chris hasn’t contributed jack sh*t in my opinion, therefore he doesn’t get an opinion. All he’s done was hook up with Bri. Oh, and have greasy unwashed hair. Eww. Let me send you some Pantene, brah. (-10 points) However, he does tell Bri that she has been acting weird and it’s her fault they are so distant, basically. Way to grow a pair, Chris. She’s pathetic. Kick her to the curb! Bye Felicia. (+15 points)

Total: 5 points

ERNESTO: I’ve liked Ernesto so far. He seems to be calm, collected and level-headed–qualities that a Utopian needs if they are going to get anything accomplished. When he, Josh and Amanda were having a conversation about marriage (fun stuff to talk about, no?), Josh makes the comment that he doesn’t want his wife to be a stay-at-home wife, he wants her working. Ernesto says that you cannot treat marriage like a business or it will fail. (+5 points) He also votes to evict Bri, so more points to him. (+10 points)

Total: 15 points

HEX: So, Hex the huntress is now in charge of the garden (and not hunting… weird). Taylor said he wants her to promise that she won’t let Bella back into the garden. She says she 1000% won’t let her. Commence the tongue wrestling and then them doing the nasty on a woodpile. Seriously, Hex, hop off it a while and focus on something else! (-5 points) Later on, Hex argues that everyone is trying to imitate life outside of Utopia by bringing the same crap in instead of trying to be innovative and trying something new. Agreed! If this is going to work, they need to figure out what works best for them instead of trying to make it a smaller version of America. (+20 points) She votes to nominate Red because of his erratic and unpredictable behavior in Utopia. (+10 points)

Total: 25 points

JOSH: When it was Josh’s turn to be leader for the day, he said he wants to invest in building a workshop (or “love shack” as they are calling it) that can serve a number of purposes (including as Rob and Jess’s marital love nest). Gotta hand it to the guy, he gets stuff done. (+10 points) He also wants them to have a little fun, so he sets up a slip-and-slide and dons his banana hammock and has a wild time with the others. (+10 points) He was also a strong voice in trying to get Bri nominated due to her laziness. (+5 points) When Amanda asked Josh if he’d ever been in love before and he snapped back with “I don’t even love a football team. How am I supposed to love a woman?” Ha. Well played. (+5 points)

Kristen had the bright idea to auction the men off to visitors to make a little cash. So Josh comes to the Utopia Experience wearing his trademark green shorty shorts and the only people that want him are a gay couple who spend $200 for a “date” with him… to which he agrees. Ha. Josh is really a good sport about things. (+5 points)

Total: 35 points

KRISTEN: Kristen, a capitalist, wants to bring the free market to Utopia. Her and her business plans. She thinks there should be separate businesses–group businesses and private businesses. At first she says that private businesses would turn 60% of earnings over to the group and keep the 40% for themselves, which was met with opposition. She later changes it to an 80/20 split. I kind of see the point to her idea, but she’s really going about this the wrong way. It encourages greed and competition between Utopians instead of them working together. I’ll give her a couple points for effort. (+2 points)

Total: 2 points

MIKE: This guy is a jerk with bad hair. He was so opposed to Dedeker being polyamorous and made remarks about it. Yet, being a hypocrite, he started flirting and playing tonsil hockey with some random woman that showed up to the Utopian Experience. (-5 points) I’ll give his points back to him because he voted out Red because he always rebels when he doesn’t get his way. (+5 points)

Total: 0 points

NIKKI: Not much from Nikki, but I am awarding her points for voting to nominate the sh*tty chef Aaron for replacement because his cooking sucks. Ha!! Go, Nikki! (+10 points)

Total: 10 points

ROB: Rob really was a hotheaded jerk in the latest episode. When Katie mentioned that she was a topless house cleaner (LOL at that, by the way), Rob asked what she was gonna do when gravity took over. While that was funny, he came across as a total jerk and pissed people off. He also sort of attacked her and said if she cared about her children she wouldn’t be there. What an ass. (-10 points) He flips out and goes into a rage over the dishes not being cleaned, yet he doesn’t make any effort to wash them himself. (-5 points) He again attacks Katie when she’s giving her speech as to why she should be voted in. While her speech was annoying and offending people, he was way out of line by yelling at her when she was already nervous and then telling her to get out. (-5 points) I wonder why he’s so angry. Maybe it’s little man syndrome. Yeah, that’s probably it. Angry little man who I bet drives a big pickup to make up for his short stature.

He married his girlfriend Jess on the feeds, so that was Utopia’s first wedding. Congratulations, here’s a few points as my wedding gift. But you’re still a jerk. (+10 points)

Total: -10 points

TAYLOR: Taylor. Meh. He and Hex have been so wrapped up in one another. And he really has it out for Bella. I’ll give him some points because he’s hot. He does have that going for him. (+10 points)

Total: 10 points

There you have it, the latest Utopia power rankings. However, I am not done! There is one more. The real winner of this week’s power rankings is … *drumroll please* … CASH! Seriously, she is the most adorable calf ever. Totally makes watching the feeds worth it. +1 trillion points to Cash for bringing a smile to my (and everyone else’s) face every time she makes an appearance. 🙂

Let me know your thoughts in the comments below! Who is your favorite and least favorite?

Be sure to follow our awesome and dedicated team of live feed updaters on Twitter @UtopiaLiveFeeds. Also, don’t forget to go here to sign up for the live feeds if you have not already. This is Vince, signing out! 🙂